Reality check

I have chemo for three days every two weeks, and so far it has gone pretty well. Other than neuropathic effects from one of the drugs (sensitivity to cold environments and food/beverages, tingling and cramping in the hands and feet), when I’m not in the hospital receiving infusion or connected to my pump for the two days after, I can almost forget about all of this. Almost.

I haven’t been exhausted, and I haven’t been sick. I have drugs for nausea that I’ve taken only a few times, and for the most part even that has been preemptive – I’ve always been too thin, and especially after going a full week with no nourishment whatsoever at the beginning of my ordeal, I need to do what I can to avoid any further weight loss. I’m working full-time, though I have been going in later to give myself more time in the morning for breakfast. My coworkers know not to treat me like an invalid.

But sometimes reality hits. Like this morning, when way too much hair came out in the shower. Hair loss is not a side effect of the chemo I’m on – but hair thinning is. While I know things could be worse, seeing that much hair fall out was a reality check.

But then I went to work as always, and met friends afterward for happy hour and falafel. And went back to almost forgetting.